So… this is what 21 feels like?
*Chuckles a bit* I know, shocking isn’t it? Thanks.
*A teasing grin.* Yeah actually considering the way you act sometimes. You would think that I’m the older one.
So… this is what 21 feels like?
Fun time.
Happy Birthday to me, I guess.
You’re older than me?
Happy birthday old girl.
Runaway - Buzz & Aurora
Once more Aurora was awake, her hand moved as if of its own accord across the paper. Her usually smooth strokes were half hazard and confused, as though something in her world was not right. She kept drawing half paying attention while the other part of her was simply lost in thought. For the first time since she arrived in the asylum Aurora wished sleep would come to take her away. She’d continued to move and draw until finally it began, one slow tear seemed to roll down her cheek landing on the paper and smudging part of her drawing. Not like it mattered, he seemed to make that quite clear to her not too long ago. Another slow tear threatened to fall on her paper then and this time Aurora lifted her hand and wiped it away, smudging her cheek as she did. No sense in dwelling on things that can’t be changed… she thought. She moved then, placing her charcoal as well as her sketchpad on the bed side table.
Sighing softly she moved her face towards the window, letting herself look up at the stars. A small giggle escaped her lips then as she spotted the big dipper or the soup ladle as she had come to call it now. The giant would never be hungry with all those stars over head… she thought to herself shaking the small memory loose from her mind. It was funny, how often she looked for her lost memories and tried to replace them with new ones only to have some bad ones in their wake and her not being able to forget them. It was almost a laughable thing if you truly thought about it. She looked at the stars for a moment longer, slowly lifting a tired hand to draw shapes as she remembered. The night was clear, it had been raining for so long that she hadn’t been able to see a clear view of the sky in what to her seemed like ages.
Sighing to herself she moved once more, lowering her face away from the window and towards the mess in her room. Various sketches were strewn about as though she’d tossed them at random when to her they each held a logical place in her mind. Some held her thoughts of life before her sleep, some held memories or dreams of another life with another family… others held little snapshots of what she dreamed when in fact she could still dream and then some held her newer memories of the asylum. She looked at some sketches, pointing out faces and reciting their names by heart… “ Dormouse… Alice… Oliver… Ruby… Peter… Dodger… Cheshire… Buzz…” she couldn’t help but stop then, tilting her head to look at his smiling face staring back at her. “Was this really you Buzz, or did I dream it all…” beside it lay a drawing of her and Oliver eating ice cream, she remembered that day clearly because it was the day she’d admitted to her now dwindling crush on the man who loved the stars. Once more she shook her head, biting her lip and simply letting things slide.
To Aurora life was too precious to waste on the bad times, but every moment was still a treasure so now she was at an impasse as to what she wished and what was real. It was then she felt it, the familiar need to move and get out of her room. She was not used to being upset, and seeing these memories was doing exactly that, so rather than dwell on it she chose a different route, the one that precisely lead to the kitchen. She moved towards her door, slowly inching it open and making sure there was not a soul around. Just as she was about to step outside she heard a noise and quickly ducked back inside… waiting it out as she heard the familiar steps go down the hall. The seconds seems to take a lot longer than the norm and once she believed the coast was clear she dared to look upon the hallway once more. This time she was met by silence and smiling a little to herself she began the journey towards the kitchens. Down the hall… slowly towards the stairs… then holding on to the banister for dear life walking step by step in total silence… This was the only way she could get around at night. Silence was always her favorite friend.
Just as she figured she was being stealthy enough and reaching the last step of the stairs, she made a noise, mind you it was miniscule but to anyone waiting to hear it was quite loud. She couldn’t help but cringe a moment and wait to be picked up by an orderly or someone else, but as she waited for anyone to come and scold her… no one seemed to come so she took this as a sign to continue. She walked a bit further and once more made a second noise, silently cursing herself for it and yet it seemed that lady luck was on her side on this night for once again no one came to get her. Aurora couldn’t help but let out a slow calming breath before walking a bit further down the hall before her eyes landed on him… Buzz…
Biting her lip a moment she actually considered turning around and heading back to her room, truly not in the mood for a second round of whatever he was feeling. But something seemed to make her want to stay and at least be her regular friendly self. Taking a few steps closer, so he’d be able to see her better she looked at him with a slight frown on her features. “Hi, Buzzy Buzz…” she said her voice a mere whisper before she waved at him a little unsure of what she should do next.
He held his breath waiting for the person to continue back down the hallway in the direction they came from. His list of options ran through his head. If it was a staff member, he’d bolt it down the hallway into an empty room and hope that they passed by him so he could go out later once they passed by. If it was another patient? Well, depending on who it was he’d tell them to either leave him the hell alone or he’d just go out into the garden without another word or a thought about them. Buzz’s hand was still on the handle when the blonde stepped out into the light and he could feel whatever relief from earlier suddenly shoot through his body again and his face wanted to partially burn with embarrassment and scrunch in disgust. Of all the people that could have chosen that particular night to be sneaking out around the garden. Was it really too much for him to ask if he could go for a run without running into a single soul? Apparently it was.
Buzz’s eyes were cold when Aurora stepped closer to him, and his grip on the doorknob merely tightened and he didn’t say anything for a moment. He couldn’t even begin to describe the feelings that were swirling around in him at that moment but he was at least grateful that he had the power to stop himself from saying anything stupid. His body was aching to smell the fresh air outside and feel the wind sting at his face and instead he was standing in yet another awkward, unwanted situation. A part of him was whispering cruelly just to leave and walk away; the defiant girl wasn’t even worth him spending any effort on speaking to but he pushed it away momentarily feeling suffocated again with his two moods fighting against each other. The faint pounding that he had kept at bay was returning to him and he sorely wished that Woody were here to at least diffuse the situation. He wouldn’t have minded anyone if he had been in a better mood, but he didn’t want anyone but Woody around him at that point.
A part of him was thankful that Nala wasn’t around this time to see this happen or be on the receiving end of his bad mood. He was still there enough to remember the last time that they had been butting heads and the thought of it was something that made him feel so ashamed. Hurting people wasn’t something he enjoyed and he never would but that’s all it seemed like he was decent at these days when this kind of mood came around. Already that day he had pissed off people that he never would have if he were himself and the guilt was already starting to build in the corners of his mind adding to more of the conflicting feelings that he was experiencing. He needed to get out of these walls and into the air and out under the stars as fast as he could but Aurora standing there was not helping matters in the least bit.
Finally though, the better side won and even though his eyes averted away and his hand did not leave the doorknob, he spoke. “Aurora,” he uttered curtly falling silently partly because he didn’t know what else to say. “What do you want?” The next words that left his mouth weren’t his own - they were that side of him and he cringed inwardly.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
takenothinglessthanperfection:
Yup, no, I was right, bad mood for poor Golden Boy. Hey, I’m going to be a sheriff, not a detective, I don’t figure things out, I’ll just keep the peace and wear the shiny badge. C’mon, mate, don’t make it hard for me, are you sad because you’ve got the sniffles or is it more serious than that?
…I don’t want to be here anymore, Woods. I’d be finishing my first year at Columbia and headed home for the summer. Instead I’m stuck here, messed up, no better and worried about fucking feelings.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
Have you thought about getting some sleeping pills? I happen to know that they have some that work quite well. *laughs lightly*
Well, sounds like you’re going to have to do some convincing. To be honest I’m done with the place myself but there isn’t much I can do about it at the moment. I’m just waiting for Simba to break out and take me with him. Well if you think you could have been something are you sure you don’t want to give it a try? I understand not wanting to mess it all up but do you really want to be the person who let’s their disorder be an excuse to not try? I mean you never know what could happen. I know it sucks, but it’ll get better eventually. It has to, right?
Don’t really believe in sleeping pills. I don’t wanna become dependent on anything medical related unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Well when he does you better not leave without saying goodbye otherwise I’ll be pissed. And then if I hurt her what then? My last relationship with Jessie was that one big relationship and then everything else after that seemed like it wasn’t right. And I told myself I was here to get better not to be involved with relationships like that. I’d be a shitty boyfriend anyway. Yeah I know but it’s just…she’d be happier with some other guy.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
takenothinglessthanperfection:
Ouch, Lightyear, that was uncalled for. I see someone’s not in the best mood, just because of the cold or is something else bothering you, buddy? Do I need to find a way onto the roof?
You started it. It’s not my fault that your scrawny body can’t take it. What do you think? You’re the future sheriff.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
takenothinglessthanperfection:
You look gorgeous.
And yet I still manage to look better than you on any given day.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
Well it sounds like you need to rest, no sense in stressing out over it if you can’t even think clearly. It’ll clear up soon you just need to relax. *hesitates but wraps an arm around him giving him a little bit of a squeeze.*
I can understand that I guess, maybe you need to find something that makes you feel not so angsty? I know it’ll be hard, but I’m sure you can find something that will make this place a little better. What about your friend Woody, I mean I know you’d probably rather he not be here either but doesn’t it help a little bit knowing you have someone to go through this with? You don’t say, well you’ll get there some day. I know you will, just don’t beat yourself up on being here.
Yeah. If only I could sleep. Fucking insomnia. *He body stiffens considerably but he loosely wraps his arms around her before dropping them back to his side.*
The only thing I can see making myself better is getting out of here. I pissed off Ella earlier among a few other people and I just…I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s not good for me. She and I probably could have been something if I weren’t like this but I’m not going to be that guy who can’t hold down a relationship because of his disorder. I know I will too I just…it sucks.
Well this cold bit me in the ass.
-Looks around and simply shrugs her shoulder unimpressed- Well I don’t see anyone else around, so unless you were speaking to the walls and ceiling I’m the only one here, so forgive me if I misunderstood your words. My eyes are wide open, and I am looking right at you. You’re not terrified… of course not… no fear at all… -she sighs softly… not angry nor upset but trying her best to simply understand-
Show me then… if you are such a monster and you are not afraid of anything then you can show me, I want to see it, I want to see the real Buzz. Show me who I’m supposed to know instead of who I do know and who I could actually care about. -smiles a little then- I’m not going to pity you… I’m not going to call you out or yell or get upset simply because today happens to be a bad day for you, Buzz. If this is how you vent, so be it…
*He shrugs at her words choosing not to say anything.* Then don’t say I’m terrified. If you don’t know what you’re talking about don’t say anything at all. A bad day? *He shakes his head. That’s an understatement. Such an understatement.*
Listen, blondie. Don’t preach to me like you know what’s going on in my head. I don’t have to show you anything or prove to you that I’m a walking disaster. It’s out there for the whole fucking asylum to see!
